I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
