is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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