First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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