I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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