The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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