I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize