Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
