she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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