You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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