guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
