the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
