you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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