you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
