Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
