if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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