Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
