This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
