His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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