Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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