I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
