Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
