My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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