I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
