Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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