You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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