how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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