I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
