Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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