Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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