I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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