Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
