You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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