I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
