thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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