Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When are your genitals available?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
