Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
