I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
