There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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