also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
