Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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