i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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