You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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