big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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