Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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