I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
