she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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