"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
