I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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