i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize