just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
