I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
