I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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