So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
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