It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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