sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
