Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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