I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
