For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
