Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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