Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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