In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
