i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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