sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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