he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
