just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He shit in the fireplace
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
