everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
