I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Farmville is her only friend.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
