I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
