my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
