I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
