Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
